Monday, July 6, 2009

Mommyhood: The Agony and Ecstasy

Veda took a nasty spill the other day. It happened like this. I was trying to get her to eat her dinner and she took to her heels. Seeing that I was catching up, she tried to run faster, did not look where she was going and fell hard on her face. When I lifted her up, her face was covered with blood. And I am ashamed to say I totally fell apart. She is just one and a half for Chrissake! Babies should not be allowed to bleed. What do they have lousy guardian angels for if not to prevent this sort of thing?

Of course I went through the motions. Got some ice, rushed her to a hospital. But the thing is Veda handled it all with so much more aplomb. Apart from insisting that I give her some ice to suck on, poppet was a doll. She giggled all the way to the hospital, gamely helping my kid bro in his efforts to cheer her up, while all I could do was fight back tears and play the various futile 'what - if' scenarios over and over in my head. If only I had dived and whisked her away before she hit the floor... If only I had listened to my husband and stayed home that day... If only none of this had happened... If only... If only... If only...

Doc said she needed a single stitch and whisked her away to do the needful. Veda started screaming as soon as she laid eyes on the doctor (she hates them) and would not stop. I thought her Mommy would show some gumption, after all she never cries except in darkened theatres, in the solitude of the space under her pillow, or in the midst of a particularly heated argument with her husband if she feels she is losing leverage. But that day her mommy bawled worse than a baby. Sometimes you think you know a person, and then you find you don't actually.

Veda is sorta ok now. She has this giant bandage on the center of her forehead. When I showed it to her, she thought it was funny as heck and kept laughing at herself following regular trips to the mirror. The whole episode was thus dismissed out of hand and relegated to the darkest part of her memory where they are likely to be forever lost to her. I, on the other hand will never be able to forget those agonizing moments but I am happy she is happy. There we have mommyhood in a nutshell - agony and ecstasy.

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